Don’t make it happen; allow it to happen

I’ve noticed that things go much more smoothly when I give up control and just let them happen. Unfortunately, I am terrible at this. I’m not kidding…as much as I study and teach this idea (and it’s a lot, trust me), it’s the hardest lesson for me to learn. Have you heard the saying, “you always teach what you most need to learn”? It’s very true in this case.


Instead of relaxing in the knowing that things turn out better when I stay out of the equation, I tend to force things to happen. Don’t get me wrong—things do get done this way, but it’s not the easy way and it’s definitely not the way that feels best. While I’m micro-managing and obsessing over details, I have a sense that I’m actually standing in my own way. I feel stressed and out of control rather than calm and in control. Hmmm…interesting how controlling things actually leads to feeling out of control.


This idea has become even more salient recently, as I’m 8 months pregnant and preparing a couple things. First, I’m preparing to take a month or so off from my business when my daughter is born. Second (should this have been first?), I’m preparing to give birth. So not only am I working semi-frantically, attacking to-do lists with the same ferocity with which I’m attacking chocolate ice cream, but I’m also taking birthing classes and studying everything I can about how to make my planned natural childbirth go as smoothly as possible.


The more I study how they body gives birth, the more I realize there’s not much I need to do. In fact, the less I do to interfere with the process, the easier and faster it’s likely to go. Ironically, this lack of interference takes some work (or maybe I’m just really good at finding the “work” in any situation). There are a lot of conditioned thoughts and expectations that I’m in the process of unlearning.  My body knows exactly what to do and will do it. My mind has been trained to make the process more difficult.


This concept is a large part of the coaching I do with women who are having trouble conceiving. Very often, women approach getting pregnant in the same way I approach my to-do list and chocolate ice cream—with an attitude of domination and a plan to make it happen in a predetermined timeframe rather than let it to happen when it’s supposed to.  Conceiving a human being (or birthing one, as I’m learning) isn’t something we can force, but it is something we can be receptive to and allow.


Abraham Hicks teaches that the universe is always friendly, naturally leading us toward what we want. We’re being carried through life by an underlying current of well-being but many of us are paddling against the current, heading upstream. We’re going against the current anytime we try to step in and make things happen, anytime we feel tension as we work through our to-do lists the hard way. We could turn the boat around and face it downstream, but even that takes more effort than we need to exert. All we really need to do is LET GO OF THE OARS. Just stop paddling against the current and making things more complicated than they are. Stop thinking there is something else you need to learn, practice, or figure out. Just let go of the oars and let the current carry you downstream.


I’m working on letting go of the oars when it comes to my to-do list. When I do, I’m less critical of those around me who are trying to help. I don’t have nightmares about my to-do list looking like the Grinch’s list of naughty children in Whoville. And I definitely feel better. The most remarkable thing is that I actually get more done. There is a peaceful, yet focused energy that accompanies holding the intention of what I want done, but not forcing myself to work so hard at it. That energy is magic. I’m still a work in progress, but I’m allowing it to become a habit instead of making it a habit.

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