How to Stop Worrying

Worry happens when a mind makes up stories about what might happen in the future, and we believe those stories as if they are true. 

We all worry at times. But in extreme cases, worry can seriously impact your life. It can disrupt your sleep, relationships, decision making, and leave you with a life that feels smaller and more limited than it otherwise would. When worry is extreme, it’s a great opportunity to look toward a deeper understanding of what worry really is so that you can see how to stop worrying

 

Why do We Worry?

To see how to stop worrying, it’s helpful to see why we worry. 

Worry is the natural result of evolution.

The modern human brain evolved 200,000 years ago when survival was tenuous, at best. There were physical threats like famine and predators that required nearly nonstop present-moment focus. When early humans felt fear, it was in response to an immediate threat. There was a clear and obvious action to take, like running from a hungry-looking wooly mammoth, or hunting for food to eat immediately. Our ancestors never wondered how to stop worrying because there was no time for worry and ‘what if?’ scenarios in their world. They faced immediate danger that required immediate action. When action was taken, fear subsided.

 

Why do we worry

Although our brains haven’t changed much in the past two hundred thousand years, the world we live in has. Our brain has evolved to respond to actual danger but there is very little actual danger in our environment, for the most part. Therefore, there is no immediate action to take to dissipate fear.

With no obvious action to take, your mind attaches those feelings of fear to ideas of what might go wrong at some other time. For example, when you feel fear your brain looks around for an immediate problem to explain the fear. When there is no immediate problem to solve, your mind reasons, “There are no problems here now, but I might get sick/be attacked/be disapproved of someday”. Now you’re faced with trying to stop worrying but with no obvious action to take because the problem is only a “someday” problem. 

Our mind’s stories and images are brought to life in such a way that we forget they aren’t true, personal and real. We find ourselves worrying about everything but the only threats are imagined ones.

 

Why Worry Seems So Real

Worry feels personal and relevant because our mind tells stories that interact with the sensory information we take in.

For example, imagine you watch the news and hear about a predicted economic recession. The collection of words the news anchor says is taken by your mind and used in an incredibly creative process designed to provide a sense of certainty and predictability. Remember, your brain has evolved to predict potential disaster so that it can keep you safe. But there is no actual threat right in front of you in this very moment—you’re sitting at home on your couch, watching the news on television. So, when your creative mind begins painting pictures of you losing all your money, there is nothing to do with the fear you feel. There are no actions to take to stop the worry or fear you feel. After all, in this very moment it is only your imagination! Your mind replays these stories, talking about how these things could happen someday.

Before you know it, you’re broke and living under a bridge (in your mind only) with no sense that this is only happening in your imagination. It looks like an inevitable reality.

 

How to Stop Worrying–Several Key Insights

Below are several key insights that will help you stop worrying so much. Coming to realize the points shared here will help you see worry in a different light so that it looks and feels far less true or powerful. 

How to stop worrying

Understand that Your Brain is Trying to Help you Survive

Everything a brain does is an attempt to help you survive. 

The brain’s constant predictions were adaptive for the survival of a species, so they aren’t likely to stop anytime soon. The more sensitive a brain was to predicting what might go wrong, the more that person could take preventative measures and have a greater chance at survival. To a brain, a false positive far outweighs a false negative. Meaning, it’s far safer for your brain to exaggerate and be wrong about dangerous things that might happen (i.e., worry) than it is to underestimate what might happen and leave you unprepared. This results in a negativity bias, a tendency for a brain to be more sensitive to what could go wrong than what could go right. 

Your brain doesn’t care about how to stop worrying because it views worry as helpful for your survival.

Understanding that this is behind worry can help you see that worry is not nearly as accurate or relevant as it seems to be. When you’re worrying, you can chalk that up to the brain’s survival instinct, not preparation for your future. 

 

See that You aren’t Worrying, Your Brain is

As you realize that worry is not about you, your life, or what is likely to happen–it’s simply a brain playing out scenarios to try to ensure your survival–you begin to see that constant worry isn’t accurate or personal. It’s not so much that you need to figure out how to stop worrying as it is that you need to see worry as a byproduct of the brain’s survival function. 

You aren’t a worrier;  your brain is predicting events that are not happening and you’re confusing those predictions with reality. When you identify with those fearful predictions it feels like you are worrying, but you aren’t doing it. Your brain is. 

 

Remember that Worry is your Imagination 

When you know those stories are stories, not facts, they don’t feel quite so threatening. Even better, your mind’s stories are always changing, completely on their own. There is absolutely nothing you have to do but wait. Before you know it, another well-meaning but untrue story will come around! Your brain will stop worrying naturally, on it’s own. 

You can always ask yourself–is this happening right now? If you’re worrying, the answer will be no. Your mind will likely counter with “But it could happen!” That “could” is your reminder that the concern is nothing but your imagination at this time. 

 

See that Worry is Simply an Alarm

Worry is an alarm showing us that we’re caught up in imaginary stories. If you feel fear and there is no problem demanding attention immediately in front of you, your imagination is likely creating “someday” stories about things that could happen, but aren’t happening.

You wouldn’t blame a fire alarm for a fire. Worry is not the problem, it’s the alarm showing you that you’re taking your imagination as truth. 

 

Find a Community for Support to Stop Worrying

You don’t have to try to stop worrying on your own. There is amazing professional support available from practitioners and Change Coaches who have become free from worry themselves and who are professionally trained in how to support people. 

In addition to professional support, being in a community can make a world of difference. Being around others who are in the process of stopping worry or who have already had these insights can help you see things you can’t necessarily see on your own. You are not alone

 

About the Author 

Amy Johnson, PhD is a psychologist, coach, author, and speaker who shares a groundbreaking new approach that helps people find lasting freedom from unwanted habits, anxiety, and self-doubt via insight rather than willpower. 

She is the author of Being Human, The Little Book of Big Change: The No-Willpower Approach to Breaking Any Habit, and Just a Thought: A No-Willpower Approach to End Self-Doubt and Make Peace with Your Mind. In 2017 she opened The Little School of Big Change, an online school that has helped thousands of people find freedom from anxiety and habits and live a more peaceful life.

Amy also shares the no-willpower approach in her top-rated podcast, Changeable, and she’s trained over 70 coaches in her Change Coach Training Program. She has been a regularly featured expert on The Steve Harvey Show and Oprah.com, as well as in The Wall Street Journal and Self magazine.

 

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